"Ever argue with a female and in the middle of the argument you no longer feel safe… You know what my girl will do? When she get mad, she'll start…
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"I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen."…
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"There's something about the ice cream truck that makes kids lose it. And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away. They don't hear their mother calling them but…
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"You can say prick on television. If it happens to your finger it's alright. You can prick your finger, just don't finger your prick." — George Carlin George Carlin was…
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"I didn't have a priviledged childhood like a lot of you. I grew up on a public golf course and that's embarrassing. I lived on the right side of the…
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"I like the escalator. Because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be a escalator temporary out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily…
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"We came to do our own thing with the English language, I dream that one day we will have a word for the number 12... We’ll call it a dozen."…
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"I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love?…
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"Some of the vaguest language ever devised has been used here in the last three days. The fact that there are 45,000 ‘trailblazers’ here couldn’t devalue the title any more.”…
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"I'm Makin em at night" — Shane Gillis Shane Gillis has made a name for himself as a comedian who doesn’t shy away from controversy. Known for his sharp, edgy…
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